Companions in the field.

I would like to first say how much I enjoy the networking abilities from everyone’s experience regarding parental involvement. This forum continues to be reassuring and a great support system during the in-between cluster/deanery meetings many of us benefit from. Parental involvement is difficult because of the complexities already shared by many and Maura noted many which I do not under estimate in any way being a parent myself; however the 45 minutes a week in a traditional classroom truly sets up a child for failure if there is little to no support at home, especially if the catechist holds the students accountable for their lessons week to week and this is what our evaluations show. Nevertheless, this traditional model DOES offer perhaps the only opportunity for a faith community where children can be embraced and assured that there is a God who loves them; and that the institution of the RC church has a way in which this love is experienced and shared (which is why we love the Finding God series). As we move forward and look to our next calendar year, what we have done and will continue to do is offer the Intergeneration Gatherings as an important and additional component as this parish program as well as the students participating in their Grade Level Masses. We are going to implement this “home-schooling” process but for only two grades this year, (grades 4 & 5). In the meantime we are going to ask the parents with children in our other grades (our program is for children in Pre-K-Gr. 10) to join us for various gatherings for dialogue regarding the topics we generally see in our elementary years. We will use many of the suggested gathering topics by Jane Regan in her Gathering Together Series as well a number of other great resources such as Growing faith Project, Growing in Wisdom, age and grace and the Generations of Faith series all in an effort to foster continued faith development for our parents. I continue to look forward to other adult gathering suggestions from all of you. As we inch closer to the celebration of Pentecost I am reminded of the spirit of commitment that burns in each of our hearts all for the simply joy of sharing the Good News!
Dawn Alves

Well Pam there is no short answer to your question and I probably should give you some context for my "rabid" views on this topic...

Almost 7 years ago I made the switch from Pastoral Associate in a small rural part of upstate NY where I had been very involved in what one might call family ministry, ( baptism & Marriage prep, RCIA, adult faith formation, helping with the parent pieces of sacramental prep etc. ) to DRE in a smallish suburban part of MA. When I arrived the first order of bussiness given to me by the pastor was to design Jr. High program that made the parents the primary educators. His directive was made not only out of a belief that parents needed to be more involved but a reality that he couldn't get more than one teacher for a group of 60 or so 7th & 8th graders. His basic plan was to make the parents attend with their students once a month not further details were supplied.

The plan I came up with was to ask parents to attend at the same time as the children for a monthly session that began with students and parents doing an icebreaker activity, followed by the students going with their catechists (we found 3 people to take groups of 12-15) while I did some adult faith formation on the topic being taught to the kids (the first year we did the CREED), and close with a brief prayer experience together. In addition to these monthly sessions families were asked to 1. watch and discuss a movie a month together (a list of choices was provided with discussion questions for example when we discussed forgivenss choices included Freaky Friday, Holes and the Spitfire Grill etc.) 2. partcipate in one service project a month ( I lined up opportunities they simply had to show up and work) 3. Particpate in 4 different prayer experiences during the year choices included attending devotions in our own parish or diocesan youth oriented events.

Well as you may have guessed by the number of teachers we needed we lost a good number of families. Those who stayed loved it or suffered it. the second year was easier because people had experienced it and were more in the routine on the 3rd year we had a change in pastors and it fell apart.

At the end of year 3 I had to sit back and evaluate. Some of the questions I asked myself were...
Had we gotten families more involved in their faith? This was a mixed bag those who loved the program were already dedicated to their faith attened mass regularly were involved in the parish etc. Most of those who hadn't liked left the parish or it dropped out but then reappeared for highschool and "confirmation." This was a mixed bag of families one could identify as at risk and those who were moderately connected (showed up to Mass occasionally but weren't really involved in parish life)
Had the kids deepened their faith in knowledge, particpation Were they now "living it"? The answer to the knowledge question was a definate no. at an age were a good curriculum can intruduce kids to a deeper undershanding of the church and the life of christ we didn't have the time to go as indepth as they could have in a regular class. yes they had participated in more service and been exposed to a greater variety of expressions of prayer. "Living it" definately depended upon the family they came from.
Had it made a difference in the faith lives of families? again it was a mixed bag those who loved it would have loved anything those who suffered it now had big chips on the shoulders of both parents and kids.

So what did we do? We went back to a weekly program, but integrated service and have 3 gatherings a year for students and their parents together. These family sessions have included things like an Image of Jesus Walk (where parents and kids view a collection of 25 different images of Jesus and choose the ones that are most appealing to them and discribe what that image of Jesus says to them about who he is) This session in addition to other activities ends with the litany to the Holy Name of Jesus. At the end of the year we often have a trivia night where teams of parents play against teams of students on topics the students learned about. Kids and parents are both often wowed by what the other group knows. Every session allows for quieter times when kids and parents can discuss faith issues together. again parents are often wowed by the wisdom their children have and kids appreciate a conversation that isn't preaching at them.

At a younger level we have gone from a model for first Reconciliation and Eucharist that used to have parent meetings and then expected parents to be the instructors to something more like a partnership. Children come with their parents, share a light meal together and discuss questions I have given them that connect the theme for the lesson and their home life. For example if we are learning about the opening of Mass we might talk about times when we have felt welcome and our favorite memories of church.

I meet with the parents while the children meet with their catechist. The Focus of my meeting with parents is to prepare them to instruct their child on the next chapter (we teach the odd # chapters, parents teach the evens) and form their faith on the sacraments at a more adult level. After about 1 hour parents and students are reunited for a final story (Sometimes I use things like Momma do You Love Me and the Rainbow Fish) and then the closing prayer. My favorite session at the end of this year was when I did a guided reflection as the closing prayer. Parents were shocked that their kids did so well and got so much out of it. They really shouldn't have been surpirsed the kids have been learning how to pray that way since 1st grade in our program.

We do offer other intergenerational sessions during the year targeted sometimes at all of our families and sometimes at specific groups. In all the things I do for families I am trying to model practical ways they can discuss their faith and put it into action in their homes.

I guess I have begun doing things the way I have because I feel it is a way to invite those who are connected to a deeper experience of the church and their role as parents but I am also concerned about those families who are at risk, who may not show up regularly when invited to an intergenerational event. So many students and their circumstances come to mind. The ones who come every other week because of custody issues, The ones whose parents are of different faiths to whom it seemed reasonable to "comprimise" and go to neither church but send the kids to religious ed. The ones who the catholic parent works odd shifts and non catholic parent begrudgingly drops the kids off but rarely picks them up on time. The parents whose faith lives have been scared by tragedy but what that indefinable somehing for their kids, etc. I thinks of the kids who have an eagerness to learn more about God, who have a real relationship with him, kids who receive good moral instruction from their parents but no sence of catholic identity or sacramentality.

I think the image of the church that is like a mother is really appropriate here. We know the best and worst about our children and we love them all the same. We try to do what is best for the family and nurture the individual at the same time.

Sorry this was so long. I know that in this ministry even if we make different choices we all have that motherly care for our families and need to do what seems best for our faith community.

I'm not a DRE, but am a teacher. I send a letter home with the kids after the first class, inviting the parents to drop into class sometime (among other things). In five years no parent has done that....or done much more than drop their children off. I've decided that's fine. If they just deliver the child to me each time, on time, I'll take it from there. Sometimes we chat about their child in the parking lot, or after Mass; I feel like parents are pressed enough just handling the Wednesday evening logistics of pickup and dropoff.
The truth is, I try to teach the kids well enough so that over time they can catechize their parents if necessary.

"I thinks of the kids who have an eagerness to learn more about God, who have a real relationship with him, kids who receive good moral instruction from their parents but no sense of Catholic identity or sacramentality."

A fine observation. My 6thgraders are so ready to think seriously about God and their Catholic faith that in some ways I just pour water into dry sponges.

Maura,

I just wanted to say how much I appreciate your comments. (Now that things have slowed down a little, I found time to go back and re-read them!)

The questions you have asked yourself give me a lot to think about as I plan for next year. Is what we are currently doing the most effective way to reach my end goal: helping parishioners develop a deeper relationship with God, a relationship that calls for and leads to Resurrection living? Somehow I really need to rework how I include parents in the program. I also need to think about how I model for them what I want them to be practing with their children at home. And so it continues

There is some great discussion on this forum for involving parents. I think the more we can involve parents the more our programs will be successful. We need to help the parents be able to pass on the faith to their children.

I hope this topic continue to grow.

Thanks,
William

William, I agree: this has been a good discussion!

Maybe each of us can give a bulleted list of two or three ways in which we involve parents in our programs....

Thanks,
Pam

Ways I'm involving Parents:

1) I'll be having "bring your parents to class" days this next year for each grade.
2) I will be sending home a family page every week for grades 1st - 6th this next year.
3) I try to put tips in the bulletin on how parents can celebrate different times of the year.

God Bless,

William O'Leary
Director of Religious Formation
www.catechesisinthethirdmillennium.wordpress.com

MicheleIW,

I like your suggestions for simple topics that are relevant to parents. These are topics that we could easily cover between Masses, or during a weekly RE session.

Other topics of interest that I've heard parents express an interest in is Web safety/safe environment (many who have attended Virtus sessions think that we should encourage everyone in the parish to attend), praying with children, and the liturgical year. Sometimes it seems like a slow process, but it's all about meeting parents where they are at...

My plan to involve parents include a beginning of the year kick-off/prayer service. We have a prayer service for our RE families. The students and catechists then spend about 30 minutes together, getting to know one another, and I talk with the parents. I focus on the goals of the RE program, and how we try to build upon what parents are already doing (and I--in a non-threatening way--invite and encourage them to start modeling faith at home if they aren't already).

We also do a holiday service project and prayer service to which parents are invited.

During lent we have a communal penance service to which everyone in the parish is invited. Another night our students lead Stations of the Cross.

I'm going to try moving to an e-newsletter, rather than the hardcopy monthly letter I've been doing.

For students involved in sacramental preparation, I want to think of more concrete ways to involve godparents/sponsors.

Thanks,
James

Here is a link to an interesting article from "LifeLong Faith."

The title of the article is "Best Practices in Parent Faith Formation." I think it would be especially helpful for DREs who have a lot of blended families.

http://www.lifelongfaith.com/media/Jour ... mation.pdf